Confidence expands way beyond physical appearance. When I was in college, I thought that all I needed to do to feel more confident in my day to day life was to get fit, master my skincare routine, and dress to impress. So – I lost the weight, invested in my skin and paid more attention to the clothing I was wearing (that meant less Aeropastale hoodies, and replacing those jeans with the rips in the thighs). And ya know what? I felt good, but I still lacked the confidence I was craving. I wanted to feel like a bad@ss; to walk proudly into a room and not feel the temptation to instantly compare myself to other people; to love myself fully and completely. Today, I’m happy to announce that I’m finally there! Here’s how I did it…
Tip # 1: Get Clear On Who You Are, And What You Want
“I want to feel confident” is about as vague as saying “I want to be happy”. Confidence, like happiness, looks and feels differently to everyone. Before I could really build up my confidence, I had to get crystal clear on what it means to look and feel confident through my eyes, and in my mind. That’s when I mastered the art of visualization. It has been proven that athletes who spend some time visualizing the shot, or picturing the play in their minds with crystal clear precision have better odds of succeeding. If if works for them, it could sure as hell work for you!
In my e-book The Freedom Guide, I talk about the power of visualization and how you can use it to really step into the best version of yourself possible. What does this bad@ss, confident version of yourself look like? How does he/she feel? What does he/she do? Wear? Drive? Say? What is different (leveled up) about this version of yourself? Write it down. Create a Pinterest board that represents everything that this person is about. Look at it as often as possible. Visualize him/her as often as possible. Trust me, you aren’t going to jinx yourself out of -getting the job, -making the money, -taking the vacation, -losing the weight, -living the life…you are going to CHANNEL it!
Tip # 2: Stop Telling Yourself You Suck
You know the saying – if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. For years I thought this only applied to other people. Now I realize, it applies to me too! Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, “Ugh, I’m so bloated. I need to work out.” Or how about this one – you just went live on Facebook, or led a meeting at work, or got off the phone with a friend, or went on a first date and your first thoughts are “I should have done this…” “Why did I say that?” “I could have done better.” What the hell?! Look, I’m all about self-reflection, but this behavior is self-deprecating!
If you want to feel truly confident and empowered, you have to stop bullying yourself! Be more mindful of the language you are using to describe yourself, and your life. Here’s another example: You are at a party, and someone asks you how you are doing. How’s life? How’s work? I USED to say this: Ehhhhh, it’s okay. It’s really hard. Same old same old. You know how it is.
Saying these things out loud made me feel like crap. I was stuck in this negative mindset. I was forgetting about all of the wonderful aspects of my life that brought me so much joy! I bet you’ve done this before. From this point on, the next time you catch yourself being mean the girl staring back at you in the mirror, stop the thought and shift the dialogue! “Maybe I’m feeling bloated, but that doesn’t make me fat. I’m fabulous. Moving on.” The next time you catch yourself talking about your life like it is this big, miserable, gray ball of BLEH, shift the dialogue! “I’m great! Work can be stressful, but I’m doing the best I can.”
Tip # 3: Know Your Worth
Know your talents, and celebrate them. Know your flaws, and show them compassion. Know your values, and stick by them. Know your fears, and face them. Know your past, and forgive it. Know your beauty, and flaunt it. Know your worth, and embrace it.